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Ruminations, Occasional thoughts & happenings - as they arise
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Back Again! 1 May 2009
I
can't believe that I am back to my on-line Diary - after how long? I
dunno! I'll have a look in a minute!
This is not a Blog! I started it long before Blogs became the
thing. It's just odds and ends that happen now and again, and I have been too busy to keep it up.
So - what have I been doing? Well, er - writing a book. I kid you not!
Writing it and publishing it! For God's sake! PUBLISHING it? Well, er - yes! I'm
now a publisher, as well as a book writer. I kid you not - again!
It all started when I saw a former neighbour in her coffin. She was 82, I think,
and I liked her, and I thought, "I'm 75, and I still haven't produced that
book I've been threatening to write!" And then I said to myself, "First things first. I will shortly
need a coffin, but I haven't got the two thousand quid needed to buy it!"
So I bought a couple of 8'x4' plywood sheets from the local timber store and
made one - for £75! I dunno - have I told this story here before? I can't remember. I've
been so busy writing and publishing this damned book.
Yes, I have - at DIY Death.htm.
I'm relieved to
see that I have not forgotten completely what has gone before.
That was almost
three years ago! Good lord! Doesn't time fly when you are having fun, creating
a work of great literary merit! (Ehem..)
Writing
becomes all consuming - especially when the scythe of the Grim Reaper swings
ever closer. But it's all done, I have made my little chalkmark on the walls of
history, and I am back to ordinary every-day reality -
cleaning the house (washing and vacuuming the floors, tidying-up - you should
have seen it!), washing the dishes, laundry (no ironing as yet), engaging in my annual gardening extravaganza (planting five
hanging baskets - exhausting!)
And it's Springtime! The sun shines (sporadically) and I can sit in my little back garden watching the grass grow: truly, I cannot bear to cut the little slivers of grass that spear towards the sun: beautiful! And I look down the garden at the blossom of my three small fruit trees: Gorgeous! The photo cannot do it justice - the luxury of nature unfolding, wonderful; and me looking at my grass growing, fag in hand and drinkin' a cuppa tea!
The
only thing that annoys me is that I am enjoying it on my own. I have
always been a sociable creature, so I am about to import a few Ladies to keep me
company. Nay, you moralists! Do not be annoyed! I refer to a half-dozen or
so laying hens. Do you see the fresh golden stain on my henhouse - shortly to be
home to a few birds? I don't really like living alone, and these chucky-chuck
ladies will keep me entertained, perhaps not in the way I would like, but
entertained enough, a wee spark of life at the end of the garden.
No
rooster for the moment! Just me on top of the dung heap, crowing away in
solitary bliss.
I kept chickens before, living out in the
country, and I never did get any eggs, just a dozen or so chicks, the
rooster was so busy; and every last one of them were eaten by mother hens turned
cannibal - unbelievable, but true! They suddenly turned from comfortable
clucky-cluck hens to ravenous, murdering beasts, and they were aided by those
flying black and white rats of the sky, magpies, who would eat the eye out of
your head if they could. They do it to new born lambs.
They certainly picked up a few of my little
chicks, beautiful wee chirping yellow bundles. You don't have to go to African
jungles to see nature in the raw - and then a fox came along and ate all the
chickens, so the whole thing was a disaster!
Not this time! the chicken run is surrounded by a
seven foot high metal palisade, with the bottom edges protected by stones and
overhead netting to prevent invasion by two black cats that haunt the
area..
We'll see! reports and pictures to follow.
I see that November 2007
was my last Diary entry, so it has only taken
a year and a half to write and publish this blessed book of mine. 
This
is the front
cover, on the left. It's on sale at Amazon.co.uk
and Amazon.com
if you want to have a look. I wouldn't recommend buying it of course! Who in their right mind would want to
read a book written by a 76 year old idiot who has failed in almost everything that he
has done, including raising chickens? (I also lost a goat!) Nobody - in their right mind
would do so - except those who wish to see how
to avoid disaster - and there may be more disaster tales to come, if I can find the
time and energy to write a prequel and a sequel 'Before Barney' and 'Beyond
Barney'.
Mind you, while writing, and then finding out how to publish, has been exhausting it has also been fun, and
the other day I discovered that someone in
the village had stuck a blue plaque on the front of my house, recognising my
status. Quite and achievement while I am still in
the house and in the body! ..... I know it was Willie Mulhall what
dunnit ... he's quite discerning .....
I like it a lot - especially the 'part time comedian' bit - and the bottom line: 'Lives Here Now' ... .... that's important!
If only Willie would look out the films we made together in the 1980's, and let me have digital copies, I would regard him as a friend!